Erlinna Noorazmi


2002 was the year that I was fortunate enough to know her existence. I just arrived at the office and there she was sitting on the sofa. Something about her at that moment when I saw her attracts me. I don’t know, could be Cupid had shoot his arrow on me. Because all of my colleagues were downstairs’ having their breakfast, I placed my stuff at my cubicle and went down to join my colleagues. They told me a new girl would be reporting in today as our new admin clerk. So its Erlinna’s first day working. I also found out that she was the niece of Lintas Square Supervisor back then.

Of course at that moment I didn’t really give it that much thought because I was busy with other arrangement, not until one fine day, when I was sitting at the front desk. I was trying to print a letter when she asked me about Tun Mahathir and Anwar Ibrahim. That’s when I was interested to get to know her more. While the rest of the girls of her age are busy with gossips, fashions and what not, she was interested about politics. The chances for you to know someone like that at her age are very I mean very slim. Or it could be because of her friendliness or bubblyness. Like I said, something about her attracts me. During the course of her work there, I grew fond of her. But sadly, it is quite when all the good one are taken, and she is already taken. From what I heard and saw, they seem to be a very loving couple. As much as I like her, I have to let her go. I don’t believe in best man win (BMW) kind of situation simply because I for sure don’t like other man flirt with my girl, you dig? So with a heavy heart I have to let her go and concentrate with other things in my life. When she left the company end of 2002 to further her study at then Maktab Perguruan Keningau, I felt that it was the last time that would see and talk to her. It felt that I have lost something in my life.

Come February 2003, when everyone was enjoying Chinese New Year celebration, my friend Jolivia, her sister and I went to Danum Valley. Jolivia and I had planned to go there for quite some time before this and we thought that this was the best time to go. Just before we were about to depart to Lahad Datu by bus, to my surprise, Erlinna texted me, asking how I’m doing, to which I replied that I was fine and was about to go to Lahad Datu. She wish me safe journey but I promise her that I will text her when I’m back. It is a coincident when the first place I sat foot at Lahad Datu; which was Kampung Kokos, was her great grandmother village,  which I found out about it after we were a couple.

After I returned from Danum Valley, as promised, I text her, asking how she was doing. When she answered me “Baru habis bengkak mata” I knew she’s been crying and there must be something wrong. I found out later on that her boyfriend had cheated on her. Was this fate or what? I didn’t straight away tell her that I like her. I just simply just listen to her, that’s all. She came down to KK a few times and I would accompany her, sometime she would ask me to pretend to be her boyfriend to make her ex-boyfriend jealous. And there was time she asked me to be her pet brother because someone in her college insisted on her becoming his girlfriend. I don’t really agree to that because it would simply ruin my chance to be with her but because she wanted to avoid being alone with that guy so I agree to it. Thank god it was cancelled.

Not long after that I told her that I like her very much. She didn’t believe me at first because she thought that I was pulling her leg. Well, who doesn’t? If I was on her shoe, an engineer who was 8 years older than my age, how could that be? Well I convinced her that it was not a joke, citing why I like her very much. I even gave her time to think about it. We texted each other after that, general stuff, no lovey dovey stuff, just plain general stuff, seriously. It was as if I never reveal my feeling toward her. And when she brought up the subject, I would tell her again why I like her. Not long after that, we were teasing each other. Something like “I’m going to Keningau tomorrow” and she would answer “I never said that I would want to see you” then I would answer back “I never said that I going there to meet you” and we would laugh at it. And a few weeks after that, it changed to we’re missing each other’s company, missed walking endlessly around KK. 12th April 2003 at 1:40 am at Anjung Senja, I proposed to her, properly, and she said yes. That was the start of 4 years of our life. Those 4 years can be summed up on our fotopages.

I found this old text message when I was doing some cleaning which Erlinna send to me after she was discharged from the Hospital after her cancer operation

I did things behind ur back,dat most u know n some better my secret.those dat made me realize smhow i made wrong,wrong 2me wrong 2u.n also made me realise dat no one can take ur place,till death do us doesnt answer d question actly,does it?!! O well, i’m lucky i found u.. Btw,yap karang sms! Smbil mengelamun skejap2!! Luking back in2 past!

Well dear, we are lucky to have found each other. Before you get any wrong ideas, she didn’t cheat on me; she was simply a very naughty young lady. Today, 11 March 2009 mark her 2nd anniversary of her demise. She will be missed by everyone. Coincidently, the first place where I first sat foot at Lahad Datu; which was Kampung Kokos, was the final resting place for Erlinna.

I end my entry with a nice song by an Indonesian band. Please enjoy Baiknya by Ada Band.

kehilangan dirimu menyakitkan nurani
separuh nyawa terbawa
menyisakan perih di hatiku

* baiknya semua kenangan yang terindah
tak kubalut dengan tangis
baiknya setiap kerinduan yang merajam
tak ku ratapi penuh penyesalan

ku hanya terus berharap
ini bukan kenyataan
kau pergi tinggalkan dunia fana
akhiri kisah asmara kita berdua

** baiknya semua kenangan yang terindah
tak kubalut dengan tangis
baiknya ku lepaskan segala kepedihan
tuk merelakanmu

mengapa semua ini terjadi
betapa ku mencintai dirimu
ku tak kuasa menahan kesedihan
yang begitu dalam

repeat *, **


The Geek

A so called geek who resides at North Borneo, in a not so little city anymore, formerly known as Api-Api to the locals, Jesselton to the colonialist. This geek is a Civil Engineer by profession, who have lots of ideas popping up while traveling, who will write whatever popped up in his mind and hopping the reader would not be so judgmental toward his writings. This geek is also a computer & internet junkie who love outdoor, which is pretty much contradicting to each other doesn’t it? This geek is good at almost everything but a master of none (read about this somewhere). People may perceive him as a very quiet, describe as phlegmatic person, yet he is quite a chatterbox to those whom he is really close or comfortable with. This geek thinks anime chicks are way cooler than a real chick hence why he also likes to watch it (not the chicks, but the anime). Not to be mistaken as watching a cartoon, anime to this geek and to most of anime follower are animation that are created and produce by the Japanese.

15 thoughts on “Erlinna Noorazmi

  • 11th March 2009 at 10:05 am

    Rest in Peace. Although I don’t know her, your story touch my heart. Al-fatihah.

  • 11th March 2009 at 10:54 am

    I was reading through some blogs and was about to make myself a drink when that beautiful photo of you & her caught my eyes. I too had lost a very important person in my life to cancer. No words can describe the pain. Reading your story brought it all back, knowing some things will NEVER be the same anymore.

    Life do goes on, take care paival.

  • 12th March 2009 at 5:23 pm

    she is indeed diff. frm d others, btw the photo have those “fu chai xiong” chinese call it, husband n wife looks~ TCare 😉

  • 13th March 2009 at 7:10 am

    Not everyone is fortunate enough to have their lives touched by angels. You have.

    -Milo ‘C’ Ais

  • 14th March 2009 at 7:14 am

    Everyone comes into our life for a reason. cherish the memories you had with her.

  • 16th March 2009 at 9:21 am

    Moment of silence and Al-Fatihah for her.

    Pai, i’m reading your entry while listening to the song, gosh it nearly reduce me to tears.. Arwah always been the only girl that can drive you nuts, in a good way la. wow, all the memories is flooding back now. 🙂

    Your feeling for her after all these years is still that strong. Im not really suprised but i dunno whether to feel happy or sorry for you. It sure complicate a whole lot things kan…

    p/s: i was reading your latest entry before reading this..

    • 16th March 2009 at 9:59 am

      it does huh? this prince need to go to the enchanted forest and stay there for a while 😉

  • 16th March 2009 at 3:32 pm

    Rest in peace. People come and go. But when they touch our lives, their memories live on and will forever linger in our minds.

  • 18th March 2009 at 12:52 pm

    Al-Fatihah to her…pulsed for awhile.

    P.s: I know it is just a metaphor..but don’t go into the forest (or so called enchanted forest) or u will end up like me 🙂 I went into the forest (real forest) 10 yrs ago with a broken heart and now I don’t know what love is. Still hoping someone might be able to break the shell and let me loose into the world of love ;)…my advice is stay away from the “shell” and enjoy the world while you can 🙂

  • 21st March 2009 at 7:39 pm

    ( Hugssss Pai, I feel you….)

    To my dearest Erlinna (Arwah),
    We never get the chance to get to know each other in person properly before. Thru Pai’s words, you are indeed very precious to him. Enough for one to know that, him losing you still very painful to this very day…even though you left years ago. Enough for one to know that he loves you nothing less than with all his heart….
    Somewhere, somehow, you probably still watching over him…do help him to be happy again, to be able to smile and help him so that he can move on and start a new life. Moving on does not mean that he’ll entirely or totally forgets about what the two of you shared before, but simply for him to have a proper closure, just so he can move on with his life, and maybe every once in a while look back at the little down memory lane album, remembering you just as you wished to be remembered the moment you two met : the friendly, bubbly and beautiful Erlinna.
    With this, I bid you adieu sweetheart… knowing that you will be with him in his heart, as he will be with you in your soul… sleep well my Dearest Erlinna, rest in peace….(Al-Fatihah)

    My dearest Pai,
    To dream of the person you would like to be, is to waste the person you are…you have a beautiful heart dear, never ever forget that!
    If ever you’re going thru hell sweetheart, always remember this: Keep on walking and never ever surrender, for this I can promise you: in every suffering or dark tunnel….at the end, there’s always a light that shines so bright. That once you see it, it can even make you forget that you ever been in a dark tunnel or dark period in your life.
    What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow. Our life is the creation of our mind. We are what we think, my dear…all that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. Speak or act with a pure mind and happiness will follow you as your shadow….Unshakeable.
    For what you just did, it took a lot of guts to pour your heart naked and transparent like that and I’m so proud of you! It shows that, you are ready for a new episode in your life chapter. Welcome back dear!!!

    Big Hugssss,
    Baby M

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